Friday, November 19, 2010

Do i have to give my violent ex access to my son when he is born?

i was with my ex for only 6 months in which time he was violent and abusive - i fell pregnant very quickly and after i told him this he continued to be abusive physically and emotionally and very controlling. he would slate me, put me down and ruin my self confidence. he also tried to strangle me telling me that he was going to kill me, he would through me around the room, hit me, attack me in the pubs pushing me about and throw drinks over me, through plates and ashtrays at me all when i was pregnant. i was moved into a womens refuge although no charges were brought against him as it was my word against his. although he harrassed me by phone and text and was issued with a harrassement warning and also arrested but charges were drop. since this point he has threatened to kill me, burn my house down with me in it. hurt my friends and family, cut my baby out of me and other things but again was over phone so had no proof. i am now 28 weeks pregnant and wondered where i stand on keepin him out of mine and my sons life if i do no put him on birth certificate.



I have moved out of the area, changed my name and phone number but he continues to harrasse my family.



i dont want him anywhere near my son as he is a danger to both of us - how can i ensure he does not find us?Do i have to give my violent ex access to my son when he is born?
Go to the court house and ask for the forms for an order of protection. If you have trouble filling it out try getting help from a local woman's shelter. They have people who can help you. You turn it in to the court and a judge will make a decision that day. He will be served by the police. You can ask that he not contact you or your family. You have to protect the child. I was able to get one on my husband with just my word. You can do it. Be strong for that baby. Good luck.Do i have to give my violent ex access to my son when he is born?
Call 800.799.SAFE for legal advice. This is the Nat'l Domestic Violence Hotline. If you were unmarried, you retain 100% custody until he goes to court to prove paternity. If he can't find you that'll be hard.
Unless it is documented that this man was a threat to you then sadly you have no grounds to keep him from seeing this child. Possibly with witnesses you can get a court order but that is difficult.
get a lawyer
first things first well done for leaving him and no you should not let him see your kid he dose not deserve to see and i would contact the police and get a restraint issued good luck
Go to the Attorney General's office in your area.

Explain all you have done, your fears and what he is doing to your family.

Hopefully, you have some proof of what he did: photos, video, texts, e mails, doctor bills...

Take all with you. Ask what they can do to help your family without letting him know where you are.

If you are too afraid to do this - then your parents need to go and not mention you at all.
Have your family document all the times he calls. Let him talk to the voicemail. If he says anything on a tape you can use that. Also the amount of calls...if excessive can prove harassment.



Have your family send him a certified letter that he is NOT to contact them and if he continues they will file a restraining order against him. Your family if they are willing can change their phone numbers too. If he shows up at their houses, have them call police and file harassment charges.



As far as the child, he will have to take you to court and file paternity to prove first he is the father. After that, he would have some access but if you are states away or many miles then he would have to come to your area to file papers and get to you for visits. Notify the hospital that you are NOT to have any visitors UNLESS they are on a approved list and notify the nursery that NO ONE is allowed to claim they are the father.



I am not sure why you were not able to get the restraining order for yourself. You need to go to a shelter by you and ask for legal support to get that into place. If he does manage to get the paternity ask that he go through anger management and infant/parenting classes. Document ANY communication he has with your from now on...If you have to talk for child, email only so you have everything there.
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